Grieving for our loved ones

Published 7:00 am Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Your column was very appropriate for so many folks. Death of a loved one usually isn’t discussed in general conversation, as it is an uncomfortable subject. Uncomfortable for the person who is suffering and uncomfortable for the person who is afraid of saying something that could bring tears. We all grieve in our own way – from our own perspective. Religious beliefs, plus caring friends and relatives can make the passage of time easier and lessen the sorrow. Here is my experience on the road to recovery after the loss of my son.

You said that the phrase “time heals all” is a farce. I beg to differ. As a parent who lost a child at age 37 from a tragic accident I speak from sad experience. It was such a crushing, painful blow and I found myself seeking some relief, no matter how minor. At the funeral I asked my sister, who had suffered a similar loss, “How long will this excruciating pain last?” She replied, “I will be honest with you…it will take five years.” I skipped a breath on hearing those words. I speak the truth in saying she was correct.

People will tell you the first year is the most difficult. This is also true. The birth date, holidays and the anniversary of the death somehow bring a cloud of sadness unlike the other days. But you get through them and remember to take one day at a time as the old adage states. By the 5th year you come to accept what has happened. Do you forget? No. Will you ever forget? No. Are there some difficult days? Yes. On those difficult days you call on all of the wonderful memories and be thankful to have had such a special person in your life.

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There is no going back; no do-over. Perhaps the words should be “let time heal.” This is the choice your loved one would want for you.

Tamara Mokray