Part I: Dealing with a major loss

Published 7:00 am Wednesday, July 15, 2015

As I work on the second memorial program I have ever had to compose in less than six months, friends and family attempt to console me.  There are others in our community who also recently loss their loved ones. Going through the same pain, the same emptiness.  We are reminded death is a part of life.

What I have learned during this process is this – although our heart breaks for the person grieving and we want to do something, we simply do not know what to say or do.  As southerners, we opt to feed them.  Lord knows I have brought a casserole or two.  My husband and I, however, never experienced this gesture of compassion until we moved to Mississippi. We were completely overwhelmed. Since then, we have tried to replicate this kind gesture.

In today’s world, there is Facebook. It has served as therapy for the one grieving.  Journaling my thoughts, posting pictures of my mom and now my sister have helped me get through this time. Others have been thoughtful enough to comment or “like.”  In an attempt to show sympathy, I also post comments on Facebook pages when others have lost a loved one.  We want to quickly respond and let them know we care.

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Texting is another quick way to send our empathy to those suffering with a death in the family. Why not? We can quickly send a message and relay our thoughts of kindness immediately. Yes, I am guilty of doing this, also.  However, if we were to be honest with ourselves, it is the easy way out. It keeps us from getting too personal or sound foolish when we don’t know what to say.

Then there are the card senders. Yes, there are people who still take the time to purchase that special card, may even jot a personal note in cursive (script for us older folks) and mail. My mailbox overflows with cards from friends all across these United Sates and even some received from local addresses.  I have a pretty box I store these special cards in and read them over and over when I am having a rough day.  I, too, have bought many cards for friends, but regret that some are still being toted in my daily bag. They have yet to see the mailbox where it could be sent on its way.

Makes us wonder, or is it just me? Why is it so hard to just pick up the phone, say we love them, we are there for them and we are praying for them?  It does not have to be anything more than that.  Just hearing our voice may bring them some immediate comfort.

See part two next week.

By Darlene C. Adams.