Impeccable source was fly-on-the-wall in recent debt-ceiling debate

Published 2:57 pm Wednesday, August 3, 2011

We have an impeccable source deep within the bowels of the U.S. Capitol who was privy to the recent debt-deliberations conducted by House Speaker John Boehner, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and President Obama.

Here is how the conversation and discussion between these leaders went, our source has told us:

Reid: “Boehner, are you sure you can get the votes on this bill in the House?”

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Boehner: “I don’t know, Harry; those Tea Party wing-nuts are giving me fits. They killed by first bill and would only pass the second only if it had a balanced budget amendment added to it.”

Reid: “You just will have to twist some arms. We have got to have this. Can you imagine people being elected and sent to the U.S. Congress, and they have no idea that the game here is compromise and not obstinacy. What about it Nancy?”

Pelosi: “All I will say is that we have got to get this thing passed, so we can tell what’s in it.”

Reid: “Seems like I have heard that before, but no big deal. What about it, Mr. President?”

The President: “Okay, we are at a cross-roads. We have got to have this bill as a solution. I support it.”

Boehner: “Harry, you are sure this is going to work? You are sure that this will get both the moderate and liberal Republicans off the hook, and we won’t be blamed for anything?”

Reid: “I am sure that the dumb voters who voted the Tea Party legislators in, won’t even remember this when the 10-year time frame is up. Hell, we won’t even be here. I will probably be dead. That’s the wonderful thing about putting this decade-long time frame on these budget busters. When the crap hits the fan, you are done, long gone and out of town.”

Boehner: “Good grief, what a depressing view of events! I knew I should have never even begun these negotiations with you guys. What about it, McConnell, you haven’t said a thing?”

McConnell: “I feel like we are on the verge of an historic agreement that will save the sterling credit rating of the U.S.”

Boehner: “My Lord, Good Grief! It’s hopeless.”

Reid: “Sterling! That’s a great word; be sure that when we talk to the press that we say that this historic agreement has saved the ‘sterling’ credit rating of the U.S.”

Boehner: “What about it, Harry, when they ask if there will be any tax hikes?”

Reid: “Unlikely! That’s the word ‘unlikely’. There will unlikely be any tax hikes. That leaves the door open for all types of interpretations, and by the time this agreement plays itself out, the dumb press and dumb voters won’t remember what we agreed upon. What about it Nancy?”

Pelosi: “All I will say is that we have got to get this thing passed, so we can tell what’s in it.”

Boehner: “My Lord! Good Grief!”

Reid: “What about it, Mr. President?”

The President: “I am proud to be a part of this great and historic agreement and able to make change that you and I can believe in.”

Of course, you know my source does not really exist and that this is just a spoof. But it might not be far from what actually took place. It has all been a farce and charade.

Said “Politico”: “No plan under serious consideration cuts spending the way you and I think about it. Instead, the ‘cuts’ being discussed are illusory, and are not cuts from current amounts being spent, but cuts in projected spending increases. This is akin to a family ‘saving’ $100,000 in expenses by deciding not to buy a Lamborghini, and instead getting a fully loaded Mercedes, when really their budget dictates that they need to stick with their perfectly serviceable Honda. But this is the type of math Washington uses to mask the incriminating truth about their unrepentant plundering of the American people.”

I only ask: When will the American people put an end to this madness in Washington?