1,437 days and counting!

Published 12:38 am Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Break out the credit cards and the doughnuts! Charge up to your hearts desire and eat whatever you want, don’t worry about carrying around those extra 40 pounds because according to a growing population of scientists, quacks, researchers, religious dudes and guru’s the world is going to end in 2012.

You have 1,437 shopping days left in the countdown and you thought Y2K was the end of the world… that is so yesterday. How gullible you were to think the turn of the century, which has happened like a million times, would be our demise. Were you crazy enough to be disappointed when it did not happen? Were you sad that a world crisis did not materialize? Well lucky for you, the next chance of doomsday is upon us, just turn on the history channel, the internet buzz, and your local chapter of Armageddon R Us and you got your new date to worry about and plan for.

Somewhat normal people are quitting their everyday lives to check out and go all survivalist with buying up seeds and rice and actually gearing up for the big event. They are both stupid and crazy! Not for believing the prophetic doomsday, but for wanting to survive! Crazy! Put me in the middle of the nuclear blast, not the edges. Set me in the middle of the crater where the asteroid hits, not in the outer edge where the towering mountain of a tsunami takes me out. I don’t want to see that!

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But I guess I will, at least on the big screen. Yes, a wonderful new disaster movie is coming to a theater near you so you can experience the horror of the end of the world before it actually hits. I have already seen the trailer and I am shaking in my boots.

Why, you may ask, is December 21, 2012 the chosen monumental date for all humanity to check out? Good question and I only have a few hundred words to clue you in, so for more details just log onto your search engine of choice and go to town!

The prediction is based on one major event, although there are layers of other stuff to support the end of the world scenario in 2012, but let us say, many are flocking to the end of the Mayan calendar prophecy. Thankfully, it is controversial so all the nutcases and smart people are not in full agreement.

In an unknowledgeable analysis, let me try to ‘splain this phenomenon of epic proportions. The Mayas who are an antique native society down south, way south, have this calendar. The leftover elders say the calendar is based on the stars and that it was given to their grandfathers who actually came from the stars. We call that a close encounter of a third kind if you know what I mean. So apparently aliens had kids and eventually they got tired of calendar making and decided to end it one day. As it cycled down in their count, the chosen date became December 21, 2012.

As we approach the end of this major cycle some scholars of the Mayas and their star studded calendar predict two vastly different endings. The first one is that we are all gonna die!

The poison of choice has not been declared but let’s look at a couple of those warm and fuzzy possibilities.

Nuclear wipe out is on the agenda with all the tension in the world, all the evil guys with the ability to put their nervous hands on the red button. Plus suicidal extremists who want to get to heaven quickly by taking us all with them may have a hand in the end.

Scientifically, we have black holes that may swallow us up, but I watch Captain Picard and that may not lead to total destruction, or was that worm holes? I get those confused?

Also on the scientific theme, NASA has reported that 2012 will be extremely high in solar flare activity. What does that mean? Your cell phone and television may have static or certain death.

Biological warfare or normal pandemic outbreaks may wipe out either all or a major portion of humans on planet earth. Can’t believe that one, have you seen all the hand sanitizer this country sells? I have little bottles and wipes every where!

Asteroid impacts and volcanoes do give me a bit of pause, just over the holidays the subtle news reports of earthquakes at Yellowstone reminded me if that dormant volcano goes… we all go. Nice and unpredictable certain death is the way to go by asteroid, speaking of which, one is supposed to be coming close about that time. I may feel as old as a dinosaur but I am not ready to be extinct just yet.

My favorite doomsday event suggestion is the alien invasion because it makes for great movies, ones I keep watching when my remote lands on them. You know, who doesn’t love watching Will Smith fight aliens in “Independence Day” or dreamy Mel Gibson in “Signs?” I love the old version, not the Tom Cruise version, of “War of the Worlds.” Mainly, because at the end we actually win by default and the credit is given to our Creator.

Which brings me to a Biblical prediction of Armageddon, the end of the world by war, followed by the return of Christ. This doomsday scenario at least has a happy ending, but not everyone gets to live happily ever after. Keep in mind, in the 70s Billy Graham made the statement that he believed he would see the return of Christ in his lifetime and by my last count, he is pushing the envelope as a mortal man.

Plus, don’t count out Nostradamus, he and a vast amount of the Hindu, Native Americans and other prophets of all shapes, colors, religions and cultures are all centering in on the end in 2012.

The other side of the coin is that the end of the Mayan calendar predicts a change in the nature of consciousness of humans. What? My consciousness will change in 2019 when the twins graduate from high school!

The Mayan prediction of human enlightenment may be a better choice in my books for 2012 although some predictors say we will start having psychic children or kids with telepathic ability.

Now we are talking! Mutant kids like on Heroes or X-Men? I can handle a Wolverine at my house! But super power kids could be a problem, especially when they already make a super mess with normal abilities. I can hear me know, you put that automobile down right now, I haven’t finished paying for it! You can fly but stay in my line of vision! No making lightning until after you have finished your homework!

Kids would not listen to me whether I am yelling telepathically or verbally. What advantage would that give humanity?

As for all this talk of catastrophic events, I may continue my path of healthy lifestyle living, just in case the proverbial “they” are wrong. After all, we all gonna die! And I predict that some of you reading this may die in 2012, one way or another. So remember my mantra… live it up each and every day!

Tracy Williams is a guest columnist and can be reached at myhometown@comcast.net