My Hometown

Published 8:41 pm Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Or more like it, the market is falling! Weird and strange happenings are the norm. What is going on?

What is in the air? In the water? Has the mad cow disease slipped into our main food supply?

Recently, I have noticed a trend of abnormal activity in the world and of course I need to point this out to those who may not have been paying attention!

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For instance, the breaking news this week, forget the financial disaster of all time being thrown at us, it’s the shocking development from ABC’s Diane Sawyer, Clay is Gay! Wow, didn’t see that one coming!

Next, I see clips of Larry King cozying up to the evil Iran leader (whom I endearingly refer to as “I’m-a-dinner-jacket”). This is much easier than pronouncing his real name. (I can’t take the credit for the creative name; Whoopi from “The View” shared her memory tip technique.)

Anyway, Larry King inquires about Dinnerjacket’s kids, and grandkids and comments how he doesn’t look old enough to have grandchildren. Such a delightful tête-à-tête. Forget that just a few hours earlier the tyrannical leader was spouting hatred and the intent to wipe the world clean of Israel and gleefully celebrating the demise of the United States of America! Maybe King should have asked who does his hair. And since gay people are executed in his country, what do they do for Broadway entertainment? What about asking what he thinks about Clay and Lindsay Lohan coming out of the closet?

Bizarre occurrences on “Dancing with the Stars” newsflash! (And I don’t mean that really old chick either.) Kim Kardashian may have a celebrated bum but its defective and the Playboy/sex tape diva is too shy to shake it! This is the woman Reggie Bush loves, possibly he could give her some slice and dice moves. Either way, if you take your eyes off her backside, the front side is worth the look. JUST keep #25 happy!!

Plus, Warren Sapp is a twinkle toes and does the cha cha! Crazy and weird!

To top it off, this week my personal weirdness was being caught in a mosh pit at a Kansas concert! A small group of forty somethings (myself included) became surrounded by the moshing youthful crowd, security came and stood next to the fence at the front of the stage by us in attempt to protect us. Yet, they ended up grabbing the younglins by the foot and dragging them over the fence in a violent struggle, four times, right by me. I never dreamed a group of old gray haired guys would stir the young blood so. Can’t old people just go and enjoy the music without fearing a teenager may drop on top of them? The teen is falling! The teen is falling!

For the deja vu factor of all things weird is the OJ trial. Flashback! If it don’t fit… The prosecution has audio tape evidence, witnesses and his confession that he was retrieving the stuff. Loads of evidence right? Yet, it is like old times. He basically had a blood trail the first time and he went free, so, my theory to put OJ away, you need Geraldo Rivera with a live television camera feed filming the crime. This might get him a guilty verdict or Geraldo killed. (Note: Is it just me or is Geraldo working extra hard to be killed while on camera… did you see him during the hurricanes!)

Strange and creepy is the feminists whining and complaining about the lack of women in large roles in politics and when they are deflated by the lack of feminineness of the Democrats choice, instead of celebrating the Republican’s choice of a female, they attack and cry out, we just meant a woman that is like us! Does that mean all that bra burning was only for women who think a certain way? Women of all political backgrounds were celebrating the potential of a woman president with Hillary regardless of their affiliations. Has graciousness left the building?

Would we feel less racially slanted with Colin Powell as the Republican candidate? Or is it politics as usual… that hasn’t changed. It is just as crazy as always! WE versus THEM!!! We must Win! They must Lose! (Politics 101.)

And to make things weirder this past week, a fashion model fell on the runway. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “Fashion road kill!” Possibly she fainted from hunger? You think?

I have a theory about the latest weirdness going on. That super collider atom smasher thing was recently turned on. This could have sparked some brainwave malady to circulate the world like a leaky septic! However, the doomsday machine went down this week and the crazy stuff continues. Unless the residuals of the science experiment gone wrong are still influencing the air! Just a thought.

I think it is a bit crazy to turn on a machine that some said could destroy the planet, create a black whole or possibly “cross the streams.” (Ghostbuster reference!) But then, I would have never sailed an ocean that I could fall off the end either!

Weird stuff is going on in sports. Favre is a Jet, Atlanta has been winning, and the Cubs could break the curse and win the World Series! Of course, some things are business as usual, such as the Saints’ ability to lose players and games and then turn around and win big! I think the Saints have bi-polar issues.

Personally, my life remains on the normal path of weirdness. Nothing has really changed there. I wake up every day shocked that I am still the mother of four!

So, is the sky falling? Will the world return to a normal craziness? Will democrats and republicans make nice and save the sky? Or could it be my Chicken Little tendency to think the sky is falling when nothing tragic is really going on? As I remember the story, the chicken had an earth shattering event which turned out to be nothing. Could the chicken be the media?

But tomorrow is another day and maybe Chicken Little will start shouting, “The market is rising! The market is rising!”

Or maybe we will just make chicken soup.

Tracy Williams is a guest columnist and can be reached at