Check it out!

Published 7:05 pm Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Every one of us does it. The corporate plotters plan for us to do it. They manipulate us, they tempt us and they bait us with items at the check out because they know they got us!

I try not to give in to their devious plot just out of stubborn refusal to give in to the corporate greed, but I am weak at times and I do it!

Sometimes I wonder if they purposely refuse to put more cashiers out, so the line moves slowly, so that I stand and either stare at the person in front of me or behind me which is awkward, or end up staring at the convenient items displayed before me to entice me to spend mo’ money.

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Then add kids standing in the check out line and its not only temptation I struggle with but a power struggle with kids who are tempted by the ‘greedy gimme’s’ thanks to the properly placed convenient toys.

Who gets to the check out line and thinks, “Oh! I forgot a toy?” I need a hot wheel fast! Or an overly priced sucker with a spinning light in the shape of spongebob! Thank goodness my local retail store placed the items right where I can grab one before I pay. Do you think they were thinking of the convenience of the parents? OF COURSE NOT! They were setting the trap to make weary shoppers give in to whiney toddlers at the last moment! Shameful!

Hope you are not timid or easily offended? If so, don’t hang out at the magazine rack standing at the Wal-mart check out line. The cover girls are air brushed to perfection especially those in the bikinis. If the images are too fleshy for you then dare not venture to the article titles.

There is enough sex education on the cover alone to inform and instruct our young girls today. I guess it’s good I have only boys otherwise my embarrassing birds and bees talk might include a Cosmopolitan magazine for a visual aid.

I shop at one grocery store that politely censures the titles for their delicate natured customers by providing a white screen that is placed directly in front of the magazine. I always peek. You put a road block up and I want to read it more. Not saying its right or moral, just saying my curiosity will get me killed one day!

What really aggravates me is that all these magazines are geared to women standing in the line. At least the articles are, the naked ladies surely encourage men to shop so they can check out the babes while they check out. But, where are the articles educating our men how to romance a woman?

Just once, can’t I find a large print title draped next to a shirtless McSteamy telling my man how to put me in the mood?

Women want to be romanced…you know, men wash the dishes, help the kids with homework, take out the garbage then take us to a dinner and a chick flick movie out side the home that the man planned only to return home for a cozy intimate talk about our feelings while the man massages our feet. Then we fall into bed and sleep eight total hours!! Now that’s romantic!

If you are not interested in heating up your own love life, you can nose your way into the private lives of our Celebs’ love lives. Right now, I can learn to lose weight from Jay Lo who lost 40 pounds! Except, to emulate her success, I have to have twins again!! No thanks! I lost my sanity with my twins’ birth and not that many pounds!

I get to see how the end of the earth is now taking place, the progress of UFO’s and what stupid activity Brittney’s been up to — thanks to the convenience of gossip at the check out line. Or, sometimes, I can just eavesdrop on some of the conversations around me. Our little community has some gossip of its own. Just keep your ears open at the check out line if you want to know!

At the check out line, we see candy, chips, soft drinks and gum. I always feel a tug to buy because by now I am hungry and thirsty. Thanks to convenience, I need to lose weight, and everything at the check out line screams calories! Do you ever see fruit at the check out line? Or celery sticks?

In the endeavor to help us out of our cash, the stores have filled the shelves with helpful items at the check out line. I see pain killers, lip balm, tissues, pens, flashlights, and warming lubricant oil for those things the magazine tells us about.

The fire starters are there, lighters. The phone cards, the batteries, and even a small, expensive box of Band-Aids that is called a first aid kit. Yes, I bought it. I could have walked a few steps to the pharmacy department and gotten a lot more bang for my buck. But, it was convenient!

Why am I complaining? Convenience always cost us money. The trip to an arena, coliseum, or super dome can take an ordinary hot dog and exhort the value to five dollars for bread and wiener.

Does the word ‘convenience’ mean, you’re stuck and we got you?

Hmm. I think paying four dollars for a coke and five dollars for popcorn in a movie is more about extortion rather than convenience. It’s wrong to pull you in with large ticket prices and then stick it to you further to charge you a week’s salary for food for the family. Popcorn is cheap! It is an integral part of going to the movie!

We are at the mercy of the convenience monster of the world. Even though, I try to fight it, I win a few battles, but eventually the monster wins out. I pay the big bucks for the opportunity to gain what our country loves so well, immediate gratification. It will be the downfall of our generation and possibly our country.

So, try to hold out fellow citizens, at least while we have control. I wonder if in the age of technology where you can order your groceries and toilet paper online and have it delivered directly to your home if they will whip up some other way to tempt us. Will the delivery person be covered with Krispy Kreme doughnuts for sale just in case your hungry and do not have any at home? Will corporate America figure a way to stick magazine racks on his back so we can be bombarded with sexy women and Hollywood gossip?

‘Til then, I will see you at the check out line! I will be the one reading a magazine, drinking a coke and grabbing for batteries…or some of that heating up oil. Whooo!