The smell of romance is in the air. It is an aroma of milk chocolate, roses, and fear.

Women are afraid they will either get nothing on the romantic day we call Valentine’s or if they are lucky to receive something their anxiety is from what they may get. Believe me, sometimes nothing is better than what some men may think is acceptable giftware on Valentine’s Day. Just because its red doesn’t mean it’s appropriate. Can you say the word tacky!

A quote from John Gray states, “When women expect more than they are getting from men, they get less.”

Thanks to my fascination with John Gray’s books, I can now let the men onto a secret to unlock the love zone at their house. Just raise your better half’s oxytocin!

Oxy what? You may ask. (Not the drug that some people get addicted to but a natural hormone that is produced in both men and women.)

Love and attraction is continually analyzed by so called experts and as they decipher which hormone or which chemical does what, they are eager to clue us in on their discovery. Forget the thousands of years we did without scientific research!

Just recently, a kissing study was performed by Susan M. Hughes of Albright College. They found that 59 percent of males and 66 percent of females confessed they would end a relationship if the first kiss left something to be desired. Apparently, in kissing, hormonal cues in our saliva are actually guiding our mental thought processes.

Granted, some women find the best kissing technique is a larger wallet.

I have kissed a few frogs out in the world but I can safely say, I did not have to kiss them twice. Too bad chemistry doesn’t tell you what kind of sorry so and so they are or I could have saved myself a bit of grief. Character issues require brains and not lips.

Kissing sets off fireworks, especially in a new relationship, but for all you old married forever folks, it can be a tool to use to spice it back up. Many couples often put kissing on the back burner of their relationship. If you are not puckering up with your mate then all the chocolate in the world will not help you get back on the love train. You might have to put it on your to do list: take out the trash, read the paper, kiss the spouse, walk the dog.

The act of kissing can raise your woman’s oxytocin.

Men, you want your wife filled with abundant oxytocin. Wives you want it too.

Actually, both sexes have the stuff inside, but women need to have their levels raised. Think of it as the cuddle hormone. It is the feel of good stuff an overstressed, overwhelmed, ignored female is lacking in her chemical makeup.

How does one go about getting some of this love potion? We women need our friends, we need our needs met, and to feel important by the one we love, this is a powerful force thereby increasing the love all around. It makes for a more peaceful home!

You can’t just pick up oxytocin in the card section at Wal-Mart. You can’t take it in pill form from the vitamin section. You have to produce it. Thankfully, women for centuries have been raising their own levels especially when her man has not performed.

So how do you even know you are lacking? Believe me, you will know when the oxy stuff has left the building!

It is that vital chemical that reduces stress, blood pressure, cortisol levels and fear and enhances her maternal behavior as well as igniting her passion. It is some good stuff. If Momma feels rushed, overwhelmed, and pressured then she is in full stress mode.

Women need to talk when stressed. Why? It raises her oxytocin. Men feel obligated to ignore the talk and get down to solving the problem. Yet, it is the act of talking that does the trick.

You get a group of stressed women together and it is a veritable hen party, yackity, yackity, yack. They leave the group feeling better, the number of problems solved are none but the oxytocin cocktail is flowing.

What can a woman do to raise her levels? Here is a short list: Get a massage, plan a night out with the girls, talk to a friend, listen to music, work out, take a dancing lesson, hold a baby, read a good book, go to the theater, or have a picnic with friends or family.

Men can score oxy points. But if you just make points on February 14th every year and ignore the other 364 days then you are oxytocin challenged. A man can score two points for bringing a dozen roses on one day or he can score 12 points by bringing one rose for a secession of days. That is how a woman’s mind works.

Showing interest in her day scores points, either by calling her spontaneously during the day or asking her at the end of the day how it was. Hugs are great point makers as well as offering to help with minor tasks. To score big, a man can compliment his wife or notice how beautiful she is. Cha Ching!

To increase her levels of the good stuff here is a list for men: make her coffee in the morning, open the door for her, go for a walk with her, build a fire on a cold day, wash her car, take her out for ice cream, make a lunch date with her, give her a back massage, send her an email saying you miss her, and hold her hand once in a while. Don’t forget to kiss her often, especially for no reason.

Even if you disagree with all the scientific jargon, it is good advice for both men and women to work at making romance and not sit around and wait for it to magically drop on their heads.

So, do your duty this week, but for a completely satisfied relationship you must plan your next step. It is the gift that keeps on giving.

I can happily say that my Mr. Right gets bonus points every day. Too bad the twins zap out all the oxytocin before it can get cooking.

Happy Oxytocin Day!