My Hometown—Tracy William’s Column

Published 2:28 pm Wednesday, September 12, 2007

This mysterious force is growing in our lives and we are becoming more and more drawn to its mighty power. This all knowing almost omnipotent power that we refer to is known as Google.

We can not think for ourselves anymore. We never crack a book to look up answers to our questions. We now use the force known as Google.

Yet, even in these technologically driven times, there are those of you who have never googled anything and maybe have no clue of what I am talking about. You are in the dark; you are without knowledge of the Google. Come to the light!

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As a disciple of this wondrous supremacy, I will enlighten you to its power and try to entice you to come into the twenty second century and use the Google.

First you must connect to the information highway known as the Internet, once you have achieved your fear of computers and your lack of knowledge in these matters you will be amazed at the world at your fingertips.

What does Google do? Why is it so influential? What is a Google?

Instead of “Mirror, Mirror on the wall”, we now go to and pose our questions. Who is the fairest one of all? Apparently, it is Shahnaz Husain.

Got any problems, you type in your issue and the Google answers. Need a date or you want to check out your date, then Google.

Need to diagnose a disease or cure an illness, forget waiting rooms and or calling the doctor, you can play doctor online. Just type in your symptoms and let Google explain your disease and how to cure it. No medical license required! I have so many diseases and syndromes now that I may have to use an Excel Spreadsheet to keep up with them.

Not sure about the drugs going in your body, then ask the all knowing one.

Are you experiencing marital problems, anxiety attacks or behavioral issues with your child, then ask the Almighty Google for how to’s to fix the problems.

Are you curious about what may be killing you right now, ask Google.

Any question you want answered you can Google. What are the wonders of the world? Who is Waldo and where can you find him?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle? What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

Is there another word for Thesaurus? Why is there Braille on the keypad of the drive-up ATM machine?

If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme junk, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Have you ever googled Google? Is that like infinity or are we crossing the anti-matter streams?

This Google Almighty has affected our way of life. If we need to shop for something, forget hitting the mall circuit, just google it and before you know it the item arrives at your door.

Now, we have Google cooking which means you check out your pantry for ingredients, and google recipes and include the ingredients. Whalah, Google tells you what to eat.

But what is Google really?

Basically, this god-like power is really just a public corporation specializing in Internet search and online advertising and has nearly 14,000 employees. The mission of Google is to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful.

The almighty Google began as a research project by Larry Page and Sergey Brin in 1996. They were students at Stanford University in California. They put together a search engine that analyzed the relationships between websites and ranked results according to the number of times the term appeared on a page. They registered their domain in 1997 and now are richer than I can imagine and I have a big imagination.

Where did they get the name Google? It is a misspelling from the word “googol” which refers to the number represented by a 1 followed by one hundred zeros. The verb google was added to the dictionary in 2006 which means to use the Google search engine to obtain information on the Internet.

I make it a practice to google my family to see what the Internet says about them, to see if they exist.

I like to google images of mountains or sunsets. If I am traveling somewhere, there are Google maps and more importantly Google Earth lets me see the place via satellite with topographical 3D images. It shows rivers and mountains and measures distances between places.

I like this new world of Google and am a dedicated follower of its power. Has it taken over my mind? Am I brainwashed into some strange cult of Google?

Of course not! Use Google. Almighty Google is good.

There are more powers out there, but I am committed to Google. Google is my friend.

Could it be that there is a large computer in Heaven and God is pushing all the buttons?

Just like anything else, the Internet is a powerful tool so use it responsively. Stay away from the dark side and use the force of Google for all your searching needs.

I googled “my hometown column” and my column was second on the list. I am a somebody! I am on the radar of Google. I have arrived! Thank you Almighty Google for putting me above the rest.

Now send money Larry and Sergey.