Brain Recall

Published 5:38 pm Wednesday, August 22, 2007

As I get older and my brain keeps having technical difficulties, I am beginning to wonder if I missed the press release about a brain recall for human models born between 1960 and 1965, created in factory in South Mississippi.
Recalls have become more and more significant in the last ten years. From Ford vehicles setting houses on fire as they sit in garages to medicines that are suppose to help you but instead kill you. What will be recalled next?
Do we always know what is being recalled? Unless it is a major news worthy story, half the time we do not even know. For example, I bought my son a motorized scooter a few years back and it was much later, way after the recall notice that I discovered it could break during use and hurt him very badly.
There was no fan fare, no warning, no television media blitz to frighten me, just an accidental reference somewhere that barely caught my eye about recall on scooters. You must be a detective to know if you have defective recalled products.
China must be trying to take us out, first through our pets, our smiles until the last straw, our kid’s toys! The recalled toys have been contaminating our small babies with dangerous magnets and lead paint. Who knew Elmo was bad for your health? He is so cute. Just like buying property, we are going to need a Lead Base Disclosure from Mattel before buying Dora the Explorer.
Who can feel secure about any products we buy? What doesn’t make us sick will make us stupid. Can’t they accidentally create a product that accidentally makes us feel better and smarter?
My husband’s Ford truck was not in the allotted year that was causing cruise control problems so bad that the engine would catch on fire from the defective detail. Yet, when his truck did catch on fire, in our garage, luckily we were near the vehicle and could move it out from the house and stop the fire from harming anything else. Did the truck manufacturer honor the problem? No, it was one year earlier than the recall year and the problem would take $1800 dollars to fix. We traded it for a Nissan that week. Yet, I still drive my Ford wondering if it too may burst into flames.
What about prescription drugs that we trust to make our bodies work better and then we discover that it may make us feel better for a while but then we die. Death is one of those side-affects that would make me feel better by not taking the pill. That is sort of like getting a great massage and then jumping off a building. What is the point?
What can be scarier than causing brain damage to already brain damaged children? Eating food tainted with some bacteria or ingredient that would make us wish for death. A few years back, eating a raw burger at a fast food place could make you deathly ill if not deathly. Now we know that burger cooked will shorten our life, but it is the healthy spinach that is the culprit to beware of when eating out.
How could spinach kill you? It is suppose to make us strong like Popeye. You know many of you had to buy a can of the green stuff when you were younger to see if it truly worked. Instead, you realized how nasty that can of spinach tasted. Popeye was not really the poster child for healthy habits anyway, didn’t he have a pipe he smoked on regularly?
I developed a love for spinach and eat it regularly now. It is amazing how maturity warps the mind and the taste buds. Could I only be eating spinach to try to fulfill my super woman day of duties?
The latest recall with food had botulism; a word that even sounds like you would rather someone shoot you quickly rather than having it. It has contaminated our cans of chili.
Chili was mentally tainted a couple of years ago with the body part scandal which still crosses my mind as I order it. Finding a finger or botulism, Hmm?
I did a scan of my can products in my pantry and discovered one can of Castleberry chicken canned in Georgia which was not on the list of dangerous products. Remember the major rule that has saved me probably hours of being sick from mysterious bacteria, “When in doubt, throw it out!” I threw the $3 dollar can of chicken in the garbage. I thought about how much it cost, hesitated and then I recited the rule as it flew in the trash.
At least we do have a system in place that limits our exposure by the dreaded recall when products are discovered to be bad, defective, and poisonous. If it is serious, the main media will scare the heck out of you. This is a beneficial tool and although you hope you are not the one who was the first to head to the hospital from the recalled item so that your misfortune can be the example to the world, many lives are saved.
I know folks who still will not eat red meat for fear of the dreaded mad cow!
I wonder if we can use the recall theory on other products in our world. Why can’t they recall really bad movies? Or at least, the FDA or some other government agency could send out a recall notice soon after the movie premieres. This movie is so bad that you could be permanently scarred for life.
Unfortunately, the television networks use the recall button too much on some shows and not enough on others. Many new shows that have great potential are yanked almost immediately causing great frustration for the ones who decided to get into the new series. We began watching the Pirate Master which was a little hokey but interesting, sort of like Survivor but on a pirate ship. They yanked it in the middle of the season which means I am left hanging forever never knowing who was the last remaining pirate. I already invested six hours of my life in the show. Yet they leave horrible and stupid stuff on the airways.
I sometimes want to put a recall on my children. I feel some parts are defective and need improving. Unfortunately, they are non-returnable.
Unhappy marriages get recalls when one spouse decides the union is defective and their single life is recalled. Most likely the defective spouse is the one wanting to be single again.
This is your notice, readers of this column, I would like to recall a few my columns as well. They may have been written in poor taste and offended the tender feelings of some who go around and wait to be offended.
It is a sad thing, words truly can not be recalled. Once out the mouth, their poison has been injected. We can apologize and try to soothe, but recall we can not. That is why we must choose carefully our words and refrain from using those inflammatory words that we refer to with letters such as the “F’ word or the “N” word. At my house, inflammatory words usually start with the letter C…..Cade, Conner…..CARL!
Could we recall my paycheck, it is missing some zeros!

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