Published 6:05 pm Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Once in a while I get an email forwarded that I keep for future reference. We live in a world full of forward emails. We all have at least one, (I have about ten) email buddies who have to pass along every forward email right to me. It is ok for a sporadic pass along, but to open your computer every day to ten messages, “You gotta read this one!” can grate my nerves.
If a friend never forwards an email and does, then it warrants a read. The others have to pull me in before I commit to reading it. Occasionally, I find a worthy email and rarely, I find a keeper.
Sometimes I find wisdom in words that speaks so loudly that I must share.
I know it’s not obvious, but I rarely just sit around and think. But I do wonder about things. These particular words that I am forwarded to you via the newspaper are some of the gems. So, you can stop now and delete, or read on. You have been warned.
I wish I had sat around pondering the universe and wrote the following, but I did not. These words traveled a million emails and eventually landed at my address and no one ever knows who penned it. I am sharing with you their wisdom as they wonder about things too.
Did you ever wonder why?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m going to eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
The following came from another forward email:
Children. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
Now that I have bombarded you with pondering questions and bold statements, let me end this column with the strange wisdom of George Carlin that also came via a forward email. (unless George sent them directly to me)
“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
hese are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…”
I hope I have prompted you to wonder about things. But mostly, I hope I brought one slight smile to your day. Maybe that is the point of forwards, to just bring one shared moment of humor or thought. How nice someone took the time to click a button so that I too could share what they thought was interesting.
Or maybe not