The Wizard named Oz

Published 12:02 am Sunday, June 10, 2007

Who is that man behind the curtain? Who is the mighty Oz? How can he help us?

Like Dorothy from the movie, I have a need, a problem that needs to be solved and as I was informed by the good witch Glenda, or in this case Oprah, I should forget following brick roads and instead I should read a book and I would find my answers from the all powerful Oz.

I do not need to go home, I am there. I do not need courage. Some would argue, I do need a brain, but the space between my ears has made it this far so that is not what I need. I go to the Oz for a heart.  If I only had a heart……but not just a heart but a healthy heart to keep ticking for a long and healthy life.

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In search of my heart I listened to the mighty ‘O’. In most cases, finding answers to our life problems can be found in books. Most Christians look to the Bible for their answers as do other faiths with their own scriptural teachings. Have an issue, problem, question…. then plug in to your book of faith and who needs wizards!

However, we all could use a wizard at our disposal to take care of problems. The term ‘wizard’ is being used from computer programs that will automatically work something for you to cleaning products. I am waiting for the toilet wizard! And the laundry wizard!

I could use a wizard to raise my children. When they are raised properly using the wizard method then I could just step in as proud parent at the end and take all the credit.

Wizards in movies are usually scary, old grey haired, long bearded men who are very wise with magical powers that no one understands. Not like the Wizard of Oz, who is basically making more of his skills than what he has. He was a con artist. He realized people have their own solutions but need a little direction from time to time. Con artists have to be observant and that is how the Oz gave the Tin Man, Dorothy and the Cowardly lion what they sought.

Speaking of observing, is it me, or does having a name that begins with O make you a part of the power pack? Oprah is behind Obama for president and now she has the Oz. The power of the O is very impressive. Maybe we should be renaming our children?

What makes this Oprah’s Oz different from the original? He still uses the ideal that you can solve your own problems by empowering you with knowledge about yourself. The difference is he really is all knowing and all powerful.

His full name is Dr. Mehmet Oz and he is not just a side kick of Oprah answering awesome questions about poop, diets, and the evils of bicycle seats, but is an award winning heart surgeon with degrees from Harvard, Wharton and the University of Pennsylvania. He is vice chair of surgery and professor of cardiac surgery at Columbia University, plus other honorable positions. He is also a best selling author and now a Celeb.

He has power to make Oprah do things she never ever wanted to do, such as hold disgusting body parts or some guys’ tape worm.  

When he speaks, he dispenses healthy tips like water and I sit up and take notes.

I read his books, I watch him on television and I have learned many wonderful things about my body and how to judge if it’s doing good or if it needs an intervention. He provides preventative tips for healthy living and most importantly, ways my body will work to lose weight!

Dr. Oz made me understand that talking about bowel movements is cool and now I know from Oprah’s show what color, shape, and density these things should be.

Oz and Oprah have liberated the world to talk about taboo subjects and now around water coolers across America people can discuss Paris Hilton, politics and their poop with intelligence and knowledge of their subject.

The all powerful Oz is helping me help myself. Isn’t that the best kind of help? Better than having the problem taken care of for you? He did not wave a wand and instantly I lost ten pounds, a dress size and gained ten years of life. Those kinds of wizards are not really good for you.

I know that is the kind we want. Someone to just blink and our problems would be solved. A winning lottery ticket to pay off our debt issues… a parent to solve a problem for us rather than let us handle our own mistakes… a reality show to push us to the top instead of climbing there on our own….a plastic surgeon to whip our bodies into perfection even though we live on sugar and flour.

The easy way is not the best way when we have problems. Sometimes we have to read a book, do some work, be patient and wait for the answer. It is no fun, but helping ourselves makes us a better person. Not helping our children makes them better people.

Thank goodness I do not need any ruby slippers or have to kill any wicked witches. All I have to do is make a few day-to-day life choices. Clean out my pantry of all the bad stuff, add some better stuff and get off my couch more. Read Dr. Oz and learn why my body works against me sometimes. Why chocolate calls my name one day and then potato chips call it another day. What I can do to prepare my body for those weak moments when all I want is to insert bad stuff into my mouth!

Knowing why my body does what it does empowers me and knowing how to prevent my body from sabotaging my healthy intentions enables me to win the war.

I plan on following the good doctor’s advice.

I plan on listening to the all powerful Oprah.

I wish she would find an all powerful Supernanny who can solve my raising children issues, maybe one named Olive, Olay, or Opie? If I only had a nanny……..I would while away the hours, Conferrin’ with the flowers.” But instead, I will be happy with my healthy heart.

“I could stay young and chipper… And I’d lock it with a zipper if I only had a heart.”