They’re coming to take me away

Published 2:37 pm Thursday, March 31, 2011

Stressed? Crazy? Hormonal? Really, what is the difference? Crazy is as crazy does.

So you think you are going crazy? You enjoy conversing with yourself? The dog is always laughing at you and walls run into you constantly. You hear mimes. You think Charlie Sheen’s life seems normal and you find yourself actually doing the potty dance.

Oh, great, now that song is stuck in my head, stop the insanity of the potty dance song!

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Well, before you pick up the phone for a quick ride to Whitfield, hold up. Many of our insanity moments are just mental stumbles along the road of normal and do not require medication or therapy.

Sometimes a good night sleep solves all. I suggest time release melatonin supplements. Or, a clear conscious.

I have gone through many stages of crazy while being overly stressed. Here is your brain and here is your brain on kids! Yikes! It is proven that having children destroys brain cells. Add watching endless hours of Dora the Explorer, Barney the Dinosaur, and Sponge Bob Square pants will deteriorate your mental health even more. I call it toddler induced dementia.

It is best cured by sending kids to school. However, a future diagnosis of school kid drama dementia is in your cards and it doesn’t get better by college age either.

Now that I am older and my hormones have been abandoning ship for years, I have found that I have replaced all my kid induced dementia such as losing my car keys and finding them in the freezer, forgetting the children’s names, misplacing my car in the parking lot, and other minor crazy moments with new and improved senior moments.

I must confess I laughed at my mother’s senior moments and dismissed them as just her being the way she has always been. Not too many of us would admit to brushing their teeth with Vagisill, but my mother will gladly share the story. It is after all, very entertaining.

However, last week, I tried to fry beignets in Murphy’s oil.

My husband first accused me of not cleaning the pan because of the odd behavior of the oil as it was heating, the filmy appearance. Offended, I made it clear that I had thoroughly cleaned it. He dropped a beignet into the hot oil and it just laid their, no bubbly whoosh as it hit the hot oil. Then, as if we both understood, he shouted, “Turn the stove off and step back!”

At least it smelled good. It is a soap that is used on wood. I had picked up the huge container of soap that matched the huge container of peanut oil. Mental confusion … it happens.

It may be that you are just tired, stressed out, or hormonal, but many of our blunders can be attributed to things in our lives which can be managed better. You can take a vitamin supplement, a bubble bath and make all the crazies go away.

Insanity isn’t just boiling beignets in soap or using female products to brush your teeth. It is actually just a legal term that describes a pattern of abnormal behaviors.

“Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” Benjamin Franklin or Albert Einstein. Take your pick since the wise words are attributed to both men.

However, if you are experiencing something more on a daily basis and you know something isn’t right. Don’t be afraid of getting help or being labeled with a mental disorder. A diagnosis of Schizophrenia, Bi-polar, or Dementia can be very intimidating at first, but after exploring the treatments and being educated, you will find it isn’t all about straight jackets and psycho movies.

The pharmaceutical world has plenty to offer for those who just can’t focus or for those who see more than what is there.

You can have a healthy, full life and be mentally challenged. Just check out the politicians running our country.

James, the rocker dude on American Idol lives with Tourette syndrome. He was very open about it from the beginning. He shares this diagnosis with Dan Ackroyd, David Beckham and Mozart. Not bad company at all.

Mood disorders are abundant. Bi-polar and depression being the popular ones in our society. Britney Spears comes to mind. Her bad behavior period was caused from not being medicated for Bi-polar disorder but now, her world has settled down and she is a productive musical diva. Carrie Fisher battles the same while Harrison Ford, Buzz Aldrin, Jim Carrey, John Denver and Abraham Lincoln suffered from depression.

So, even if you have an official disorder, you are in good company and can’t use the disorder for an excuse to drop out of life.

As I am not officially labeled with one of the above, I am not confessing that I wouldn’t rule one out either! As for now, I am heading to the compound pharmacy for some more hormones. That should do the trick.

After all, I know that I am not right in the head most days but I enjoy my “spacey tracy” lifestyle and no pill can fix that. But just in case, I put the Murphy’s oil down in the garage.

Gee, I hope I don’t try to clean the wood cabinets with olive oil.

Tracy Williams is a syndicated columnist and can be reached on Face Book at My Hometown Column. Become a fan.