Published 3:43 pm Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I looked around one day for an escape hatch, an exit door, a Calgon bath but as usual,I found no way to relieve myself of a moment of mom erosion.

For ten days the kids had been home because of a wonderful event, nine inches of snow in North Alabama. At least, wonderful at the onset, but by the tenth day I was ready for the kids to start back to school.

Being a mother and wife isn’t all it’s cracked up to be … some days.

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Struggling through this familiar adversity, at a moment of intense agitation with the people I live with, I looked down at my dog of nearly two years, Cody, and made the statement, “Oh, to have your life!”

Which got me thinking, how wonderful to be a pampered pooch.

I am not saying all dogs have it made, but here in America, it can be ridiculous— the luxurious lifestyles of a canine. Doggie spa’s, doggie retreats, and doggie entertainment are a big business.

Poor Cody lives a normal but pleasant doggie life. No doggie bon bons.

For example, when we needed to board him for a week while we went to Disney World, I was offered several choices of accommodation, such as the Hollywood room, the Alabama team of choice college room or just the regular dog accommodations. Yes, he went Motel 6 and not the Westin, plus, he missed out on Disney.

So, there is one disadvantage to being a dog, no Disney pass.

Yet, what a life he lives! No worries, his every need is taken care of, such as his brand of kibbles and bits is always in his bowl, his water always fresh and chilled. He has no chores or responsibilities.

Not so for me, I have to feed all these hungry mouths on a regular basis and instead of chomping down and wagging their tale like Cody, the humans nitpick the morsels to death. I get suggestions of what they would have rather had, or informed the meat tastes funny, or the baked beans are not at the right temperature. These little people have ungrateful mouths that chew a few bites and leave the majority of my hard labor upon their plates, with an accusatory glare.

Oh, how wonderful for me if I could just show up at the table for every meal and sit down and eat just like a dog’s bowl.

Cody can not reproduce. How wonderful is that. He will never have to referee a fight between his puppies, worry about the older ones after they have left the belly of the mom, deal with bad moods, messy rooms, and laundry. He doesn’t care about report cards or chauffeur them to sports.

The dog’s life is filled with toys and playtime. All the humans that come in contact want to play with him and are always greeting him with enthusiasm and joy. For a mother, not so much.

As Cody leaves through his doggie door, out to the deck, down the doggie ramp to his giant play yard, he has all the things a dog could love. The yard contains birds, squirrels, chipmunks, trees, neighboring dogs for company and dirt that the long haired pooch likes to dig because that is what dogs like to do.

After a romp outside, he shows up inside, happy, panting and muddy and what does a pampered pooch get –an immediate warm bath.

How nice is that. When I come in, dirty and tired, instead of my grime, I must tend to the needs of the family. No one scrubs me clean and then blow dries.

At night, the pampered pooch is allowed a prominent place of sleep, at the foot of the bed of one of the twins. He is warm, sleeping on soft comforters, and happily tucked in along with the boys. He is privileged.

This pup will sleep soundly. He doesn’t have any worry of the world economic crunch or whether the spirit of civility between the politicians will last. He doesn’t care what is on the agenda for the next day, or what errands need to be run. He could care less whether the twins have clean jeans, or whether their hem is too short or their knees ripped open.

This peaceful slumber of a pampered pooch will not take in account the trials of family members, the illness of some, and the serious issues of others. He knows only his human family and they never complain to him.

Life’s concerns for Cody are easily handled by someone else.

How wonderful is Cody’s life? He even gets a treat for going to the bathroom outside. No one has ever in my whole life given me a delicious treat for pottying.

Why even his immortal soul gives him no distress. We all know that all dogs go to heaven. He isn’t seen praying, worshipping, or even doing kind acts to others. He just eats, sleeps, plays, and poops.

What a wonderful life.

If I believed in reincarnation, which I am leaning to 99 percent not, but if I did, and I was elevated from life to life; I would choose to end up a pampered pooch.

But for now, I will struggle on in my human ways, tending to all those who need me, quietly wishing for moments of dogdom, but embracing the good parts of being a human mom. For all the whining, there are advantages of going through the tough stuff to get to the chewy, gooey, center of yummy.

The highlights of my life are extremely satisfying. I guess it makes it worth being human.

Plus, I am not fond of sniffing other’s behinds.

Tracy Williams is a syndicated columnist and can be reached on Face Book at My Hometown Column. Become a fan.