Coming to a theater near you, the HBO series “Sex and the City” is now on the big screen and for some unfathomable reason I am not jumping up and down. Maybe my estrogen level has dropped, maybe I have more of a life now, maybe I am saving my excitement buzz for Indiana Jones or maybe I am not so much into Carey and the gang anymore. I moved on.

If you haven’t a clue about the HBO movement, then let me fill you in briefly, it’s a show about fashion and girl talk. That’s it. Oh, and the sex stuff.

Four female friends share their gory relationship details, female hygiene, and adventures in shoe shopping in New York City. Carey Bradshaw, the main gal writes a column titled “Sex and the City”.

Which makes me think, how would that show translate to Pearl River County?

I can relate to the trendy television show but in a down home country flavor. I can imagine that I am Carey, frizzy hair and all. I write a column for the local newspaper and once in a while I mention sex in my column, although, I would rather discuss how men and women interact, children antics and Celeb humor.

As for my three friends, imagine if you will, the Mississippi version of Carey and the gang, such as a group of four real estate agents eating at the Mexican restaurant discussing their awful children, back stabbing other real estate agents, tiresome husbands, and the latest sale at Dillard’s over melted cheese and salsa. That is how it works down South.

Could they make a show about my Sex and the Country? Oh yes. It would be quite entertaining. Possibly I will pitch it for a reality show, NOT.

As for the fashion portion of our version, our Southern chicks bring to the table, an outfit that was on clearance at JC Penney’s, a Dillard special purse, earrings from Burke’s Outlet and a pair of sandals from Stage. No telling with me, pre-Katrina, you will find me wearing thrift store specials (although since Katrina, my favorite thrift stores down on the Coast are no longer open and I am forced to buy retail)

If anyone were to ask who we were wearing such as asked by fashion snobs, we might answer Versace just to throw them off. Carey Bradshaw’s shoes would cover the cost of our collective outfits and possible wardrobes!

We are the Southern ladies of Sex and the Country. But unlike the city girls, half of our group has children and the other half has dogs. We blend our complaints together because as we found out, there is not much of a difference except you can have your dog put to sleep when he gets too troublesome.

On the television show, the girls have relationship troubles, and Carey is super matched with a guy named Mr. Big. So, my guy, at 6’4 could also be called Mr. Big. However I already caught and married my dream boat and unfortunately for television ratings our marriage is boringly happy with no breakups, drama, or demanding careers to keep us apart.

My girlfriends from the country are all married too. No dating drama here. Thankfully, I checked out of that singles group where the girl talk is a sea of endless whining and yakity yak about how stupid men are.

The city girls discuss their intimate details of their love life, same here in South Mississippi. What else do we discuss? We discuss female anatomy as well. Our bodies it seems as women are as complicated as men seem to think we are. Our mechanics are not working properly and no one seems to have any answers on how to fix them. It doesn’t matter if you have had children or not, the female body falls apart about age thirty-two.

We also talk about football and how will the Saints do? We critique American Idol and each one has there own opinion and favorite. We take apart and tear down politics and then we put it all back together again. This is our girl talk.

Emotionally, that is another issue. WE all take turns: one is moody, one is depressed, one is angry, and one is chipper. It’s a soup of crazy when you gather four women together!

Instead of some trendy dinner party events, our gang is discussing the cell phone going off in the middle of church or the horrendous song sung by so and so. We are discussing the ill-behaved kid at the baseball field or the loud obnoxious woman in Wal-Mart hollering for little Fred to get his arse up to the front of the store. Yep, a bit different.

What do we gain from our gathering? On the show, it is great material for a hit series, but in our country version of real life Sex and the Country, there is much to be gained. We raise our oxytocins, our spirits, and feel valued by listening to others with worse kids (or dogs) and worse problems, or we feel better that someone cares enough to listen to our problems. We create female bonds of friendship. We belong and we feel better for the experience.

There is much silliness, laughter, gossip, chatter, and more laughter. But it is so much fun.

Country version versus City version? I may have cheap shoes, marked down clothes and grilled fajita lunches, but my gang and I also have class, strong bonds of friendship, and much love. My Sex and the Country pals may not have expensive fabric covering them, Manhattan hair cuts or designer accessories; but they are beautiful none the less. Not only on the outside, but inside too.

On the show, one is wild, one is goody two shoed, one is overly smart, and one is fun and free. Here in my gang, we are multi-leveled and do not cater to stereotypes. We are women and we are complicated. I might be carefree Carey today and wild Samantha tonight, but I will always be me.

You won’t catch the Mississippi version on television, although Designing women came close, but my version is much better. Hopefully, for Carey on the big screen there will be happily ever after, but life really isn’t about that. It’s taking each day, enjoying what it has to offer and moving on to try and solve the next issue.

I can only hope in the future we don’t have a golden Sex and the City…..naked and ninety really shouldn’t be played across a hundred foot digitally enhanced screen. Yikes.